so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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