no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't put those talents on a resume
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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