Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
