i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
