Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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