i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
