i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
