This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
