Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
