HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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