She is in my trunk
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
