I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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