He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
