On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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