Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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