yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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