You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
