Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
