I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
