you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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