just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
