I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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