Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
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So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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