how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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