So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
