i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I love having hate sex.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
