You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I AM VODKA MAN
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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