last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
