Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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