Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
