I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize