did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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