I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
