Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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