i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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