opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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