Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
