Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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