so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
