I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
