I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
