Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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