we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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