pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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