it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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