you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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