ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
