ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
