booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
