I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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