I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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