Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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