??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
