She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
