she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
