Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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