Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
