Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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