if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
