I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
