thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
