Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
how drunk are you?
Several
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
