There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
