3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
