we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
