My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
