I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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