How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
