If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
