using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
