Ambien. No doubt about it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
