Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
