Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
