My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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