guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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