Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
