found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
