Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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