please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
