fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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